It’s a time of transition for our family. Our daughter graduates from high school in less than a week. In the fall, she heads out not just for college, but a semester abroad that is 6,252 miles from home.

You might imagine I’m crying into my granola every morning. Noooooo. Not yet anyway.

Instead, I’m observing my brain. Turns out, it’s hilarious.

Weird times like these—when we’re doing something new, when we're scared and happy at the same time, when the world doesn’t make sense the way it used to—can be stressful. When stressed, our thinking can be, shall we say, dramatic. And not just about the thing that’s stressing us out, but about everything.

That drama, however, is useful because it means you can better understand what your brain does with unwanted uncertainty all the time.

One of the brain’s superpowers, after all, is the ability to create narratives, make predictions, and assign cause and effect from limited information. Then it has the nerve (or should I say neuron?) to act as if those imaginings are real!

Again, this is happening all the time and you’re probably not even aware of how often you’re jumping to conclusions. Here are some common manifestations of what I’m talking about:

Case Study One - Why did they do that?

Imagine you texted someone who you’ve worked with a long time about something important. You sent multiple texts. It has been eight hours and they have not responded. They frequently respond to texts very quickly. In the meantime, they have posted on social media.

Do you immediately start to wonder if they are mad at you? Do you replay all your recent interactions in your head, searching for where things went wrong?

Case Study Two - How long will this take?

Imagine you’re doing something for the first time, like learning to play guitar or maybe, I don’t know, writing a novel. It’s something you’re excited to do, but there’s a learning curve. That combination of excitement and difficulty makes you a bit nervous. A friend takes on the same project and seems to have quicker success. Maybe they get a gig or an agent before you do.

How long will it take for you to see the same results, if ever? What does your friend’s success say about you and your abilities?

Case Study Three - What will happen?

You stumble across an advertisement for what sounds like your dream job. You don’t have all the listed required qualifications, and when you do more research, you find the people they do hire are really impressive.

Will the hiring manager give you a chance? Or should you be focusing your time on more “middle tier” companies?

Do you see how the brain is making assumptions and creating stories that don’t serve you? In fact, our tendency in this situation is to talk to someone else and engage them in making up stories. That co-worker who hasn’t texted you back? Your anxiety will tell you to reach out to a friend, describe the situation, and ask their opinion. As if they know any more than you do!

It’s actually the worst thing you can do, because it only reinforces the “realness” of the assumptions and stories when someone else says it.

My hope is that reading this newsletter gives you enough emotional distance to see that you don’t and can’t know the answers to these kinds of questions. You can let them go.

How do you do that? There are two possibilities:

1) Refuse to speculate. That texting example? It happened to me recently. I told my husband what was happening and he asked me what I thought was going on. My answer? “I don’t even want to guess, because I know I don’t know.”

Acknowledging you don’t and can’t know something in the moment can be enough to allow you to shift your attention.

2) Take action. As I discussed in my last newsletter on the purpose of reflection, there are instances where uncertainty can be a catalyst for taking action you might be avoiding. Maybe you need to have a vulnerable conversation with someone about what you’re perceiving and feeling. Maybe you need to step up your game in your new pursuit, so you hire a coach.

This is the difference between being proactive versus reactive. One approach brings more clarity while the other just makes you feel bad.

One thing we can be sure of is that worrying about something is not the same as preparing for it or fixing it. The good news is that once you’ve done that, there’s nothing more to do.

Then you really can let it go.