One of the things that’s always struck me as odd is how much advice there is about saving, but not about how and why to give. The assumption seems to be that giving comes naturally to people. I’d argue what most of us are good at is spending, which is really not the same thing.

I first became aware of my own generosity gap in elementary school.

I was sitting at the lunch table with my classmates when someone asked me for my cookie. Maybe I had more than one, I can’t remember. What I do remember is that I said no, firmly. This person kept asking until I told them, “Stop being a beggar.” That got reported to the teacher and I got my first black mark on my record—a literal black circle on a behavior chart the teacher kept pinned to the wall. I missed out on the ice cream social at the end of the week because of it.

If she was trying to teach me a lesson in generosity, I don’t think I got it.

At least, not at the time. But I do think it planted a seed. As I grew up, I came into contact with people who were far more generous than I was and I wanted to be more like them.

Seeing how generous people operate in the world helped me see that my refusal to share in the elementary school lunchroom, whether right or wrong in the moment, was indicative of a mindset. A scarcity mindset that prioritizes keeping what’s valuable for yourself, because you never know when the things you want or need might be taken away.

I don’t think I’m alone in this belief. In fact, our society teaches us this kind of thinking because fear born out of scarcity creates a means for control. Why else is there such a heavy emphasis on saving and an adoration of the accumulation of wealth? Why are acts of kindness and selflessness the basis for viral social media posts that cause people to proclaim their faith in humanity has been restored?

Because we think that generosity is not just rare, but maybe, subconsciously, dumb. What a sad way to live when you think about it!

All of us are aware on some level that we live in an inequitable system. We like to tell ourselves that what keeps anyone on the better side of life is intelligence or hard work. But as a coach, I can tell you that some of the most successful and ambitious people you know have a secret fear of becoming homeless. I was one of them.

What does that say about the system we live in?

It tells us generosity is a powerful tool for changing our society—what it values, how it works, and the distribution of power. Generosity sees the value of interdependence, which reduces scarcity, and invests in it.

Here’s another thing I realized watching my friends: one’s capacity for generosity is limited only by one’s creativity. While we tend to associate generosity with financial giving, here are five simple ways anyone can be more generous:

1. Be generous with your time

Volunteer for a nonprofit. Help a friend move. Play a game with your kids even when you’re tired. Eat lunch with a co-worker instead of at your desk while you answer email. Pitch in at community events.

2. Be generous with praise

Notice the things people do well, even the small things, and let them know what a gift they are. Be specific—not only about the thing you like, but why you like it. On days when that may be more than you can manage, make an effort to smile and appreciate people’s presence.

3. Be generous with humor

When things are stressful, it’s tempting to be serious and start handing out advice. Instead, find a way to make people laugh. Or find a way to make yourself laugh, which invites others to join you, even if they’re just laughing at the fact you’re laughing. (Note: Yes, you can do this in the wrong way or at the wrong time. I’ve done it. Don't let a fear of making a mistake stamp your good humor out.)

4. Be generous of spirit

Give people the benefit of the doubt. Imagine the behaviors that bother you are due to someone being tired or hungry or emotionally low. Give them the space and grace to recover—and then welcome them back into the relationship with kindness and/or forgiveness. Own your part of any disagreement.

5. Be generous with your attention

This is maybe the most overlooked gift of all. People are aching to be heard and seen. So listen—not to respond, but to understand. Give someone your full attention, without distractions. I don’t just mean your phone. Shut off the voice in your head and only listen to the person in front of you. Get curious about their perspectives, experiences, histories, and hobbies. (Side note: if you know a gardener, politely look at their plant photos—it will mean the world.)

None of these things are easy. At least, not for me, not all of them anyway, and not with the kind of frequency I’d like to bring.

This is why I say we need to think and talk about how to give more and give better. I’d love to see the practice of generosity get as much attention as creating an exercise routine or learning a foreign language. I’d love to see this be a topic at every senior executive retreat or city council meeting. What if we had after school programs training kids in generosity like we do for standardized tests?

There are good reasons to practice too. It makes you feel good, yes, but generosity does more than that.

It’s like mycorrhizae, the symbiotic association between fungus in the soil and a plant’s roots. It may not be tangible, but the relationship helps plants absorb more nutrients, which helps them thrive. It also improves the soil for future plants. In other words, generosity is not just good for the giver, but for the whole community or even society if practiced widely enough.

So if the world feels bleak at the moment, if it feels like the world is headed in the wrong direction, and you’re wondering what little old you can possibly do: practice generosity. It’s like this wonderful quote from Elizabeth Sawin, a systems thinker and the author of Multisolving:

And if all that sounds like too much, get some cookies. And then share them.